Welcome to Gay Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.
Come aboard – I’m expecting you!
Today, we are going to take you on a tour of the most popular gay destination south of the border – and show you how to have fun and cum in the sun in beautiful Puerto Vallarta, Mexico!
Puerto Vallarta is a gay hotspot with its own gay beach, gay cruises, and places to cruise to your heart’s content.
You’ll find sunny weather, waiters who will bring you cold drinks right on the beach, and ever since Night of the Iguana was filmed here, Puerto Vallarta has attracted a dream stream of hot celebrities both in and out of the closet!
Of course, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Predator was also filmed here – so maybe at night you’ll find your own prey!
Puerto Vallarta is a destination city created to please tourists from North American and Europe. As a result, there is no real native population in the city – nearly everyone who lives here is either retired or working for the resorts in one way or another.
Another odd fact of life in Puerto Vallarta is that while it attracts hundreds of thousands of gay tourists a year, it is also a stopping off point for many cruise lines – including The Love Boat.
During the day, these ships spill thousands of straight tourists into the city for a day before cruising off to their next port of call.
The result is a dual economy of very straight bars and restaurants near the port, which are then surrounded by all of the bars, clubs, and eateries for Friends of Dorothy!
But don’t worry – many of these tourists will be so clueless, they won’t even know what a rainbow flag is – and they don’t really dress that badly!
Cruising For Cock
You can cruise all day and night in Puerto Vallarta – either by hitting the main gay beaches or settling into any of the gay bars and clubs.
But, sometimes you just want to get some quick cock to quench your cravings. If you are in the mood to be lewd, head over to the Conchas Chinas section of the beach. Here you’ll find a bunch of secluded rocky outcroppings that have become very popular with the local gay population.
Just wander around among the rocks for a bit and make eye contact with the men who interest you. In no time at all, you’ll be invited to share a few minutes of private time with a fellow cockaholic – talk about between a rock and a hard place!
Feeling Blue – Time For The Gay Beach in Gay Puerto Vallarta!
During the day, the most cockalicious cruising for eye candy and sexy studs is on the sand at Playa Los Muertos – the gay beach of Puerto Vallarta.
Hundreds of gay men cum each day to Playa Los Muertos to sit in the famous blue chairs. Actually chaises lounges, the blue chairs identify you as a gay man on the beach.
The straights sit in another section – in red chairs – so you don’t have to be bothered by them or their spawn at all. And recently, the beach has started putting out green chairs for bisexuals and lesbians!
It’s like a rainbow on the beach!
Best of all, for all you kinky twinks and burly bears who lust for a bargain, the chairs are free! Of course, once you sit down waiters will come over from the nearby cafe to try to sell you rum drinks, but you don’t have to buy one. I ask you, though: who can resist a chance to have a nice cuba libre while you check out the other blue boys?
Rent boys also work the area around the blue chairs, so if you are looking to pay for play, you’ll have more offers than you can handle!
Various locals will come by and try to sell you souvenirs, local art and even ice cream – but they can be warned away if you don’t want to deal with them. If you are looking for something, just remember that the first price they quote you is never their real price. They are expecting you to bargain.
Once you are in your blue chair you’ll find that the area is very cruisey, and it’s easy to meet new friends – or find a hot cock to take back to your hotel room for a little siesta if things get too steamy on the sand!
You can also get a massage while you are on the beach, in case any of your muscles are sore from all the partying you did the night before. Just don’t forget your sunscreen.
Boana’s Gay Horseback Riding
If you are tired of the surf and sand, the most popular day gaytime activity (outside of your hotel room, of course) is Boana’s Gay Horseback Riding tour on the hill overlooking the city center.
And before you little pervs ask – no, they don’t go bareback!
Boana’s will provide you with a shirtless gay man on horseback who will lead you on a tour of the surrounding area, including the tropical forest and local river. Halfway through the tour, you’ll stop at a nice restaurant where you can have lunch and make friends with the other men in your party.
It may end up being the ride of your life!
The Gay Cruise
In Puerto Vallarta, there is more than one-way for a gay man to cruise during the day!
Every Friday, an all-gay male cruise leaves from the port. You’ll ride on a giant sailboat with a full bar and discrete private rooms if you want to get personal with any of your new friends.
The cruise starts at 10 a.m. and takes roughly five hours to take you around Banderas Bay. The only downside is that you won’t see Antonio!
The cove at the halfway mark of the trip is famous for being filled with dolphins, giant manta rays and sea turtles. When you get to the cove, you can choose to go snorkeling to get a closer look at the marine life – or just sit in the bar and wait for the dolphins to jump up in the air!
No matter what, you’ll make new friends, get out on the water, and have a chance to look cool while the ocean breezes cool you down!
The main gayborhood – and the cockalicious center of Puerto Vallarta nightlife – is called South Side.
In South Side you’ll find almost two dozen gay bars, clubs, gyms, saunas and sex clubs. The gay cocktail lounges tend to open up in the late afternoon and most offer happy hours before the sun goes down.
The clubs don’t open up until much later – and they are some of the raunchiest discos you’ll ever encounter in your life. Almost all of them have male strippers and go-go dancers nightly – and several have drag shows during the week.
If you want to get busy earlier in the evening, check out Vallarta Cora – a gay cocktail lounge with a clothing-optional Jacuzzi – where cute waiters will bring you cocktails while you sit in the tub!
Just be sure you give him a tip – if it isn’t already sticking out of the water!
The locals tend to make a circuit of the entire South Side, having one drink each at several bars until they find Mr. Right Now. Love it!
Puerto Vallarta is a shopper’s paradise. Whether you are looking for name brand clothes, local trinkets to bring home to your nieces and nephews, or simply some retail therapy, Puerto Vallarta is a shopper’s wet dream!
Start out in South Side, where you’ll find tons of interesting boutiques – including Bye Curious, which sells an extensive selection of gay jewelry.
You’ll also want to visit Liquid – a men’s clothing store that often gives out passes to gay clubs when you buy something fetching for the evening’s festivities.
The Rainbow T-shirt shop has also been known to make us homos happy – and as you get closer to the center of town, you’ll find many local art galleries where beautiful pieces can be had for a song!
The rule of thumb is that in the smaller boutiques you are expected to haggle a bit, but in the larger stores their prices are final. So whip out your card and shop!
The Puerto Vallarta Gourmet Festival
If you’re a foodie, the Puerto Vallarta Gourmet Festival is filled with things you’ll love to stick in your mouth, but won’t make you gag!
The monthly festival is held every November as local chefs compete against each other to see who can come up with the best gourmet menu possible. The chefs often trade restaurants or staff for a night, fly in guest chefs, and have daylong outdoor food festivals.
Traditionally, most of the restaurants hold sunset wine tastings where they will offer you a glass of wine and nibbles of the dishes they are getting ready to serve later in the evening.
Just remember to swallow!
It’s Time To Dock Your Cock And Visit Gay Puerto Vallarta – That’s An Order From The Captain!
Whether you want to ride bareback, find a stud in the sand, or just dance the night away, Puerto Vallarta has found exactly what you are looking for!
This beautiful resort city is absolutely fabulous – and will make you bone up for the bronze boys on the beach! All you have to do is bring your cock and then decide which boys are hot or not.
After all, what really matters is what floats your love boat! So book a trip now – we’re expecting you!
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